Relationships Take Time and Effort

Expert Author Susan Leigh
Having a special someone in our lives can make everything feel worthwhile. We have a friend, ally, confidante, supporter, lover. But relationships need time, attention and nurturing to remain fresh and alive. We need to make an effort to listen, be interested in what the other person says and does, continue to take a pride in our appearance, take care of ourselves whilst also maintaining our own interests and identity.
Over time a relationship can sometimes become almost forgotten, taken for granted as we focus on the many other demands in our lives: work, friends in need of our support, family who are looking for our help. This may be fine for a time. A close partner is often able to understand that there are occasions when we have to consider others and devote our time, energy and attention elsewhere.
But what if the situation continues for too long and he or she starts to feel neglected and disrespected, way down our list of priorities? At times all relationships have tough periods, times when one person feels that they are doing all the giving, being especially supportive whilst their partner is doing all the taking.
Some couples may be adept at dealing with these occasions. They have established strategies for talking things through, are able to appreciate the importance of allocating time to discuss their issues, are able to understand what each other is thinking and feeling about their problem areas, and, even if they disagree, they're able to communicate well with each other.
For other couples these situations may be more problematic. There may be a fear of confrontation so things get suppressed rather than discussed. One person may fear rejection, that if they criticise or disagree with their partner he or she will walk away and end their relationship. It may be that one person silently bottles up resentment and irritation for years until one day they finally erupt saying that they can take no more and have to walk away.
Sometimes relationship counselling can help:
- It can demonstrate that both parties feel that the relationship is worth spending time on. Even if one person only agrees to attend sessions to placate their partner, nonetheless, they are still participating in the process, showing a preparedness to help the other understand their point of view.
- Taking time away from one's familiar environment removes distractions, unavoidable interruptions and avoids any excuses for delaying taking time to sit down and talk together.
- The counsellor is a third-party to the relationship and is neutral. They may lay down ground rules, like 'be truthful', 'no interrupting whilst the other person is speaking'. Their role is to keep the session on track, respectful and focussed on the important issues that can sometimes get lost during an everyday domestic argument or conversation.
- Talking openly about situations and hearing the other person's point of view can sometimes provide interesting insights and revelations for everyone involved. Often, by discussing different perspectives in a neutral environment it can introduce a more balanced and receptive mindset.
- A counsellor's role is to manage the sessions so that one person doesn't take over, become dominant or over-bearing. Providing an arena where both parties can speak, listen, understand and be understood is the role of the counsellor. Sometimes it may require tact, firmness and skill to maintain a fair, supportive and non-judgemental environment in which the counselling work can be undertaken but that is part of the valuable input that relationship counselling can provide.
Relationships Take Time and Effort Relationships Take Time and Effort Reviewed by All Buzz on août 17, 2019 Rating: 5

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